They say ‘don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s all small stuff’, but it’s the bigger things that cause me anxiety. Why are we here? What happens when we die?
I’ve done lots of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) based treatment, which uses evidence to iron out distortions with the way we think in relation to every day issues, but I felt like I needed some other tool to help me accept the facts of life and death.
Professor Mick Cooper’s Existential Therapies: Exploring the Rich Tapestry of Practices seemed like a good place to start and so, on Friday morning, I joined the session via zoom.
Although it was aimed at professionals, I found it accessible. We were given a number of exercises to do, which I would like to share with you now.
Firstly, we were asked what we’re closed to. My answer was nervous energy. I hate getting butterflies or, worse still, feeling like I have a brick in my stomach and all the associated physical sensations.
What do I lose by being closed to this? Anxiety and excitement are two sides of the same coin, so I’m shutting myself off to all kinds of exhilarating but perfectly safe activities, such as going on a date, playing competitive sports or going to a theme park.
I know rationally that having an adrenaline rush makes you feel alive and that by living an ultra-safe existence I’m experiencing a limited range of emotions. I do want those highs and I keep trying to challenge myself to push through the fear.
I can imagine the feeling of skydiving or climbing to the top of a mountain and I want to be open to those things.
We were then asked to what extent do you have a sense of meaning in your life? I don’t especially feel that I’ve found my vocation or that I’m in the flow but I feel like I’m doing the right sort of things to get there and I have much more meaning in my life than I did in my twenties or thirties.
What things in life give me meaning? I feel that Jossed is a big help to maintain balance and feel that I’m making steady progress. I’ve always wanted to fulfil my potential but not really had a plan of how I was going to do it up until now. I want to surprise myself with what I’m capable of.
Feeling rooted in my local community and helping other people have become more important to me since I’ve been using the board too.
To what extent do I need to re-orientate towards things that are meaningful to me? This week I have learned the word mimesis which, I think, means desiring something because other people desire it.
I do get drawn towards earning lots of money and having status but, actually, I know that taking myself out of the rat race is much healthier for me.
Finally, how could I do that? When I first started suffering from mental health problems I thought that it was all to do with self-esteem and, if I pushed myself to achieve, that I would feel better.
My issues were to do with stress though and by pushing myself harder and harder, I just made things worse. There are only 4 achievement boxes on the Jossed board, which helps me to stop putting so much emphasis on accomplishments and to focus on areas such as relaxation and pleasure instead.
Did the session help me to stop sweating the big stuff? Probably not, but I suppose the point is that we make our own meaning in life. Taking part in the session has helped to give me confidence that I’m not out of my depth amongst trained mental health professionals and I’ll be looking out for similar events on future boards.
